Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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