The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Vodka?
Forever.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
