dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize