I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
