Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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