i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
