apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Alive.
So much puke
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
My breasts were aching with rage.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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