I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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