Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
