Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Sorry about my life...
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
