Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
