If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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