He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
