is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
