I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
