I think I am morally bankrupt
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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