he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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