Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
