I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
he thought i was a dude.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
