____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
