see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
