did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
