Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Randomize
