Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
he was CRYING into my vagina
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
