3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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