FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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