Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
i've created a new STD.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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