remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
