dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
