his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
