I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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