Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
There's always time for handjobs
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
