i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
