I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize