YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
