Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
