yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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