im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
