Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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