If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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