Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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