"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Hippo gnu deer
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
