I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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