i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize