There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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