in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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