pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
