Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Randomize
