the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
