I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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