We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
