May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
