so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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