She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
