The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Randomize
