I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
