She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm like, not good at living.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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