I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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