i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
