PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
