Your face is a jimmy john
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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