I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
