they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Randomize
