Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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