I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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