Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
