Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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