Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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