i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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